God's Goodness and Human Suffering

Recently my husband and I were confronted with some hard questions.
These questions, asked by a neighbor dear to us, left us without solid answers to lead him toward the truth.

How can God allow such pain and suffering if He is God? Being God means He could stop it all right? The woman being beat, the child being molested, people going hungry, wars, etc. If God is real, He must not be good if He could stop it and doesn't right? 

All these questions most people have within their hearts. Me included. However, the one thing I know and have seen with my own eyes is that God IS real, whether we like it or not, but why doesn't He stop these things?
A friend of mine suggested reading a book by C.S. Lewis called The Problem of Pain: How human suffering raises almost intolerable intellectual problems

While there are many treasures in the book (and I URGE you to read it), I will just highlight a few important things I have learned about God's goodness, Free will, and reality.

Lewis talks of free will in much detail and includes this:
"...We can, perhaps, conceive of a world in which God corrected the results of this abuse of free will by His creatures at every moment: so that a wooden beam becomes soft as grass when it was used as a weapon, and air refused to obey me if I attempted to set up in it the sound waves that carry lies or insults. But such a world would be one in which wrong actions were impossible, and which, therefore, freedom of the will would be void. ...In a game of chess you can make certain arbitrary concessions to your opponent, which stand to the ordinary rules of the game as miracles stand to the laws of nature. You can deprive yourself of a castle, or allow the other man sometimes to take back a move made inadvertently. But if you conceded everything that at any moment happened to suit him - if all his moves were revocable and if all your pieces disappeared whenever their position.. was not of his liking-then you could not have a game at all. So it is with the life of souls in a world... try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself."

Since much of suffering stems from human beings hurting human beings, we tend to think, why would God...? but if we bring that thought to the logical conclusion, we can see that for us wicked people to never hurt anybody, we would cease to have free will since we are inherently sinful. And if we did not have free will, I would venture to say we would complain against God for that too.

Lewis also talks of the goodness of God in light of suffering:
"..The problem with reconciling human suffering with the existence of a God who loves, is only insoluble so long as we attach a trivial meaning to the word 'love', and look on things as if man were the center of them. Man is not the center. God does not exist for the sake of man. Man does not exist for his own sake. 'Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created' [says the Bible]...  to ask that God's love should be content with us as we are is to ask that God should cease to be God: because He is what He is, His love must, in the nature of things, be impeded and repelled by certain stains in our present character..." (in other words, because He, in His very nature, is Holy and other than us, and just, He cannot be okay with our sin).
He also talks in great detail of various examples of a loving authority and its subjects, and how it is a picture of God to us as humans. An artist to a piece of art, a trainer to its dog, a man to his bride, etc.

If a piece of art could feel and perceive things, it would probably questions why, and loathe the labor that its artist brings to it. "After being rubbed and scraped and re-commenced for the tenth time, [it may wish] that it were only a thumb nail sketch whose making was over in a minute."
A trainer takes hours and days and weeks laboring to train a dog to make it a suitable house pet, if the dog then says this hurts, why would you do this! I am not going to trust you and then goes back to biting and acting as a wild beast, how could that trainer keep it?
"..in the same way, it is natural for us to wish that God has designed for us a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but then we are wishing not for more love but for less."


The whole point (at least that I can see at this time) is that our standard of 'love' and 'good' are far different, it would seem, than that of what God's standard is. Sort of like when we discipline our children, it is painful to them, and they cry, they don't realize, mostly, that it is for their good and it is because we love them. (Of course that example falls short of the perfect truth, but it is an idea of the true love of God no less.) Wouldn't a child much rather have a standard of love like the grandfather in the sky mentality?  "..we want, in fact, not so much a Father in Heaven as a grandfather in heaven - a senile benevolence who, as they say, 'liked to see young people enjoying themselves,' and whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the end of each day, 'a good time was had by all.'...I should very much like to live in a universe which was governed on such lines. But since it is abundantly clear that I don't, and since I have reason to believe, nevertheless, that God is Love, I conclude that my conception of love needs correction." (C.S. Lewis)

My final thought that I will leave you with is this:
"...But God wills our good, and our good is to love Him and to love Him we must know Him: and if we know Him, we shall in fact fall on our faces. If we do not, that only shows that what we are trying to love is not yet God-though it may be the nearest approximation to God which our thought and fantasy can attain."
and
"...We are bidden to 'put on Christ', to become like God. That is, whether we like it or not, God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want." 
and finally,
"God gives what He has, not what He has not: He gives the happiness that there is, not the happiness that is not. To be God; to be like God (and share in His goodness and creaturely response); and to be miserable. These are the only three alternatives. (C.S. Lewis)

Reality is that God is real, and He is still good even though men freely hurt others, and when we stand before Him, if we are unbelieving because we thought it should have been "this way" instead of "that", it will in no way justify us in our bold stances against God.  He is what He is, whether we like it or not, whether we understand it or don't understand it. What can we say against Him just because we think it should be a different way? He is and He created US, we didn't create Him.



"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed..."  1 Peter 4:12-13

Trials: Count it all Joy

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

It is occurring to me more and more that I really enjoy this blogging idea.

Things just keep coming up that, from my view, seem to be a good topic for a blog; Not just because I am going through it, but thus far, I see God working in it also, and what better way to show Him off then by writing about it and letting you all read.

Since my last post, a lot has happened in my heart. Right around Christ-mas, Luke had surgery for a Hydrocele.  We actually thought it was a hernia, but we are thankful that it was not really a big deal.  He got up from surgery, and had ZERO pain from then on! 

At the same time, I had been dealing with my own health "issues".  For months now, I have been struggling with pressure in my sinus' and fluid in my ears, I had a Ct Scan done to look at the sinus cavities and it showed mild sinusitis and a cyst.  I then had an MRI done to find out more about this cyst.

To make the story short, I was freaking out inside for a week and a half, not knowing what would have to be done about this cyst.  The cyst, 4-5 mm around, is a benign arachnoid cyst, sitting there in the meninges around my brain.

Through the waiting period, my mind was getting the "best" of me, all I could think of was: I have a cyst. In my brain. What? It was something I could barely process. What did that mean? What would happen? Surgery? Shunt? Cancer? Death?  (ok maybe my mind got carried away) but the Lord used that in me.

Life seemed MUCH shorter and faster moving for me, and the fact that I lazily went about my days and months just waiting for something great to happen, really haunted me. What am I doing with the life God has so graciously given to me?  It reminds me of this verse:

"For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." James 4:14

As depressing as that can seem, it is true. Our lives are just vapors in the wind.  A flower that appears for a season and is gone. Only when something desperate happens with our health or physical well being (or somebody we love) are we reminded that we really will die someday. 

During this scary trial and many others that I have had, I asked the Lord to have mercy on me! And He has... every time WITHOUT FAIL.  I am not sure why either, because I know I do not deserve it. I am thankful nonetheless to say that He has granted me mercy and He has spared me from having to do anything for the cyst - it will just live there until I die.

In the mean time I have been reminded with a new perspective.  Life changes in an INSTANT. All it takes is one phone call or one second for everything to change.  We are to live for Him and I don't know what that looks like for you completely or even fully for me, but I know He is moving in my life. 


"...The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward Him and find Him. Yet He is actually not far from each one of us."  Acts 17:24-27

No matter where He has you, rich or poor, sick or healthy, in any circumstance, we are there so that we should seek Him!

Hypotonia and His Strength

After many conversations and an obvious need for clarification of what it means for a child to have low tone, I have decided to blog about this issue.

There are many websites that anybody can look to for more information but a pretty concise definition can be found on Wikipedia, which is where I found this quote:
Hypotonia - a.k.a. "low muscle tone"

"The low muscle tone associated with hypotonia must not be confused with low muscle strength or the definition commonly used in body building. Neurological muscle tone is a manifestation of periodic action potentials from motor neurons. As it is an intrinsic property of the nervous system, it cannot be changed through voluntary control, exercise, or diet.

"True muscle tone is the inherent ability of the muscle to respond to a stretch. For example, quickly straighten the flexed elbow of an unsuspecting child with normal tone, will cause their biceps to contract in response (automatic protection against possible injury). When the perceived danger has passed, (which the brain figures out once the stimulus is removed), the muscle relaxes and returns to its normal resting state."

'...The child with low tone has muscles that are slow to initiate a muscle contraction, contract very slowly in response to a stimulus, and cannot maintain a contraction for as long as his 'normal' peers. Because these low-toned muscles do not fully contract before they again relax (muscle accommodates to the stimulus and so shuts down again), they remain loose and very stretchy, never realizing their full potential of maintaining a muscle contraction over time. '"

This is Anna's main obstacle.
After thinking about this issue tonight, I realize something important that should not be overlooked.

I know that Jesus is real and that He is all powerful.  He says "My power is made perfect in weakness". This is incredible when you consider people who have struggles with physical strength, among thousands of other things.  Annalise has opportunity for great joy because of this low tone, it leaves room for Jesus to manifest His strength so obviously in her.

When we are weak, we are strong! Now, I know this is more than just physical, although that is surely included.  The spirit can be weak as well and while I understand that prayer is powerful, the Lord has a perfect will in what He brings to pass; even if that means cancer or losing a job, etc. 
The Lord has a way of stripping us from the things we hold so dear, so that we will perhaps grope for HIM, with nothing else attached to our hearts. That is His mercy at work! Mercy, because if we held onto other things instead of Jesus, it could mean the eternal death of us, and at the very least, a minimal relationship with the all-loving creator of our very being. So in the being made weak process, we are hopefully being drawn to seek Him and trust Him and ultimately have the power of Christ resting on us.

2 Corinthians 12: 
"...So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Acts 17:26-27:
"...And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us..."

All His Work not ours

One year ago (yesterday) our smiley, happy baby girl got to come home!

After 18 emotional days in the NICU and a final “let’s get out of here”, we were snuggling with our little Annalise on the couch in our own living room!  

A lot has happened in her first year of life, and I wanted to take an opportunity to write, and share with everybody who has been praying for her or is interested in her story. 

After an original diagnosis of Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy and Hypotonia – otherwise known as lack of oxygen/blood to the brain and low muscle tone (known to the regular folk like us), we have been seeing developmental neurologists every 6 months and doing physical therapy to help make those muscle stronger than what her brain tells them to be! 

She has grown so much and is now showing a seriously hilarious personality. 

In light of her 1 year assessment, which seemed to be divinely placed on the same date of her release that was one year ago, I have decided to update you all on her progress and share what God taught me during her appointment. 

Annalise has been getting more and more mobile, now (JUST THIS WEEK) pulling herself to a kneeling position and sitting up all on her own!! She also has developed some pretty serious conversation skills. The girl talks all day long and yes, I am SO thankful she talks. I love hearing her talking to me – even though I have NO idea what she is saying! 

Her assessment showed her development at about 14-15 months for everything but fine and gross motor, those were around 7 -8 months. While she will be getting AFO braces soon to help her stand and walk, the real joy of yesterday’s appointment is how God was speaking to me!

During the discussion with the neurologist at the end of the appointment, she mentioned how remarkable it was to her that Annalise was doing so well. This doctor, who says she has been doing this for over 25 years, was almost in tears, because of what she was seeing. Of course, she couldn’t explain why she was developing so “normally” in any other way but to say how it was because we were such a ‘good’ family and were working with her so much and giving her love, etc. 

Although she was right about the love thing, I know it is much more realistic than all of that!  I remember praying for Jesus to heal her and help me in being a mom to this little person, who may or may not need special needs.  I remember seeing Him working the very day I prayed! I’ve done nothing more than anybody else would have in a “normal” circumstance, in fact I know just how lazy I have been in working with her physically.  I have seen our day to day life, I realize that what we have been doing is not what has healed her. 

I am reminded of this verse: "He must increase, but I must decrease" (john 3:30)

How wonderful that God still has grace especially when we have done nothing. Then it becomes obvious that it is Him and His mercy and not our own workings.

We are lazy and undeserving of such praise, because it is clear we have done nothing to make Anna beautiful and have a healthy brain, but it is Jesus who is alive! 

This is everybody’s story in its own way… we all are damaged! But unlike Anna’s injury, WE have caused the damage; and even though we sit around lazily hoping to make it to heaven on our own goodness, when in reality we are drifting blindly into hell, Jesus sees us!

He sees our depravity and our despair and He still offers Himself in place of what we rightfully deserve.  The only thing that can save us is His atonement, His redemption, His goodness. When He saves, it is obvious that it is only Him saving, because there is no way we can take any credit if we are declared righteous, because when we look back on all the laws we have broken, we see that we truly are not righteous, but HE IS! 

So, this I have learned through Annalise’s healing (among other things): 

The Lord sees what is broken; and when we are especially undeserving of His reaching down to save & heal & teach, that is when His glory shines, because He shows us that it is not us that strive and are “good”, who do all the right things, or pray all the right ways, it is HIM who forgives and works and loves. Only He can heal us!

"...for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure"  Phil. 2:13

"...There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one."    Romans 3:10-12